One of my favorite authors and speakers, Paul Tripp, is famous for saying, “Change doesn’t take place in big, dramatic moments. Rather, the transforming work of grace operates in 10,000 little moments of life more than it does in a series of two or three life-altering events.”
I couldn’t agree more.
Here’s what that statement looks like as it relates to marriage, “Marriages are built and destroyed in the everyday small moments of life.”
I believe we underestimate the power of a initiating a small expression of love (holding the door open, a unexpected kiss, or kind word), and overestimate the significance of creating big moments (anniversary trips, surprise birthday parties, big gifts, etc…).
I typically get up earlier than Star each day and I’m always amazed at how she responds to me when I simply have her coffee made for her when she wakes up. In my opinion, she over appreciates this small act of love compared to some of the other bigger ways I think I love her. For whatever reason, this means a lot to her.
Doing small and unexpected acts of service are always a win for your marriage, but I want to suggest the following phrases will have at least an equal impact in your relationship when spoken from your heart.
You likely won’t be surprised at most of these phrases. In fact, as you read them you might be unimpressed. But remember, small efforts (or phrases) repeated day in and day out will make a big difference in your marriage.
Make a point to express at least 1 of these statements to your spouse every day:
- I was wrong.
- I appreciate you.
- Tell me more.
- I’m so proud of you.
- You did a great job.
- I know we can work through this.
- You’re right.
- You look nice.
- Thank you.
- It would have meant a lot to me if you would have…
- Yes.
- How can I pray for you?
- How can I help you today?
- I’m so glad I’m married to you.
- I’ll always be here for you.
- I love you.
- Will you forgive me?
- I forgive you.
- I want you (don’t abuse this one guys!)
- I respect you.
- I’m committed to you forever.
- I love when you…
What phrases would you add to this list?
Hans Molegraaf is the President and Founder of Marriage Revolution, a biblical counseling practice that has served over 4,000 couples since 2010. Hans is a Biblical Counselor with over 15 years of experience helping marriages in crisis. He and his wife, Star, personally rebuilt their marriage after infidelity and now lead Marriage Revolution’s Affair Recovery program. Hans has been featured in multiple media outlets and is passionate about bringing help and hope to every couple in every season.
