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4 Communication Skills You Can’t Ignore

When I began marriage counseling with Marriage Revolution a few years ago, I knew I had to quickly assemble the best communication skills available, because poor communication is by far the most common issue among struggling couples today. So I quickly gathered the...
How To Hit The Reset Button In Your Marriage

How To Hit The Reset Button In Your Marriage

In the tech world, if a device isn’t working properly or living up to its expected performance, performing a reset will often times fix the problem. It’s not that the device is broken or needs replacing, but because of delayed maintenance or an accumulation of...

5 Things I’ve Learned In 10 Years As a Marriage Counselor

5 Things I’ve Learned In 10 Years As a Marriage Counselor

I’ve learned a lot about marriage over the past 10 years of counseling couples. Of course this list isn't exhaustive, but it represents a good summary. I wanted to share this list with you because I believe it is extremely applicable regardless of the condition of...

The Trifecta Of Love

The Trifecta Of Love

There is power and significance in the number 3. Some even say it is the perfect number. Have you ever thought about how much of our lives and world is organized in 3's? Past, Present, Future Birth, Life, Death Father, Son, Holy Spirit Beginning, Middle, End The...

How To Affair Proof Your Marriage

How To Affair Proof Your Marriage

2 years into my marriage, I had an affair.  I didn't seek it out. I didn't want it. I thought I could resist it.  But it happened.  Looking back, it’s not surprising it happened. All the ingredients were there. I wish I would have realized the...

How To Confront Your Spouse

How To Confront Your Spouse

I was recently at a leadership event where a very well-known speaker was talking about the importance of being self-aware. There were probably about 3000 leaders in the room and he asked us two questions: “How many of you would say that self deception is something you...

The Most Important Step When Resolving Conflict

The Most Important Step When Resolving Conflict

News flash: Marriage is hard.  Have you ever thought about why? Think about it from a spiritual perspective. When you join a sinner to another sinner, and put them in the same house, sleeping in the same bed, and then you throw a couple little sinners in the...

Better together

Better together

One of God’s goals for your marriage is for you and your spouse to be better together than you were apart. God makes you better together by weaving you together and making the two of you one flesh. Look at this short passage in Genesis 2:24 that explains God’s process...

How To Love Your Spouse

How To Love Your Spouse

How to love your spouse can be confusing. One of the reasons it's challenging at times is because you and your spouse are constantly changing. I've heard it said that you don't marry 1 person on your wedding day, but you actually marry 3: the person you think they...

Love and Respect

Love and Respect

No matter what the stated trouble is between a couple, usually the unstated offense is that the wife does not feel loved and cherished, and the husband does not feel respected and honored. Love and respect; these are two complementary sides of the one coin. Husband,...

Why Your Marriage Needs Easter

Why Your Marriage Needs Easter

Communication techniques can help you get along with your spouse.   Conflict resolution tips can help you to fight fair.   And, understanding how you and your spouse are designed differently is critical to helping you pursue oneness with your spouse instead...

Can You Handle The Truth?

Can You Handle The Truth?

Receiving the truth in love is one of the most important skills you can learn to turn your conflicts around. One of my favorite movie scenes of all time is from, “A Few Good Men” with Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson. Lt. Kaffee (Cruise) is questioning Col. Jessep...

The Art Of Empathy

The Art Of Empathy

I learned the art of empathy the hard way. When I left the house for work the other day, my wife kissed me on the cheek and told me she would be praying for my day. About 10:00, I turned my phone on after being in my morning appointment and saw a text from her that...

The Real Problem With Your Marriage

The Real Problem With Your Marriage

If you had an apple tree in your back yard and the apples started to turn grey and pulpy, how would you fix the problem? Would you take down the bad apples and use a staple gun to put up good apples? It might make the tree look good for a while, but it sure wouldn't...

Is Online Marriage Counseling Right For You?

Is Online Marriage Counseling Right For You?

To counsel online, or not to counsel online—that is the question: Whether ‘tis nobler in the car to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous traffic Or to stay at home in one’s PJs and bunny slippers And enjoy the comforts of the hearth.  To stay at home—...

3 Phrases That Choke out Anxiety

3 Phrases That Choke out Anxiety

I’d be willing to bet you’ve experienced some level of anxiety over the past several weeks. I know I have. I don't generally struggle with anxiety, but there have been a handful of times recently where the uncertainty of the future has led me down a path of a variety...

3 Critical Rhythms That Vaccinate Your Marriage Against Corona

3 Critical Rhythms That Vaccinate Your Marriage Against Corona

You've probably developed some different ways of living over the past several weeks. Your relationships look different. Your schedule looks different. The way you spend your time is undoubtedly different. Some of the habits, or rhythms, you've developed are healthy....

How To Protect And Provide For Your Marriage During COVID-19

How To Protect And Provide For Your Marriage During COVID-19

In our team meeting this past week I asked each counselor to share 1 way they would instruct couples to protect and provide for their marriage during this unique season. Instead of summarizing in a blog post, I decided to capture in a couple of brief videos: Please...

3 Things To Remember During This CoronaVirus Crisis

3 Things To Remember During This CoronaVirus Crisis

As the coronavirus has reached a pandemic level, the situation can seem overwhelming. But before despairing, hit the “pause button” and consider the hand of God. Instead of shouting, “Enough! I can’t take this anymore,” think about what God is teaching you. And then...

How to Prevent The Corona Virus From Infecting Your Marriage

How to Prevent The Corona Virus From Infecting Your Marriage

The Corona virus is impacting almost every area of our lives: our schedule, our relationships, our jobs, our health practices, our budget, our moods, etc…  If it hasn’t already, the Corona Virus will also impact your marriage.  Your marriage might be a...

DO YOU HAVE ANY BITTERNESS IN YOUR HEART TOWARD YOUR MATE?

DO YOU HAVE ANY BITTERNESS IN YOUR HEART TOWARD YOUR MATE?

"Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them." Colossians 3:19 It is repeated enough in the Bible that we should get the picture. Our main task as husbands is to love our wives. Not to be confused about the nature of that love, Paul adds a...

25 Ways to Respect Your Husband

25 Ways to Respect Your Husband

Learning how to respect your husband might be one of the most important skills you can develop in order to improve your marriage relationship. Check out these 25 ways to respect your husband (tied to 25 songs that we don't necessarily endorse - but some we absolutely...

25 Ways to Lead Your Wife

25 Ways to Lead Your Wife

Leading your wife is more than setting goals and giving instruction. It isn't less than that, but it is so much more. The foundation of leadership in marriage is building relationship with your wife. This creates an environment where your wife actually wants to follow...

Equal Value + Right Roles = Healthy Marriage

Equal Value + Right Roles = Healthy Marriage

Who does the dishes? Who makes the decisions? Who pays the bills? Who bathes the kids? Who brings home the bacon?  For every couple this might look a little bit different, but that doesn't mean “anything goes” as it relates to what role a husband and wife should...

10 Things to Remember When You’re in Conflict

10 Things to Remember When You’re in Conflict

If you’ve been married for any time at all, you know that conflict happens. But, that doesn't mean it always has to be that bad. Here are 10 things to remember which have the potential to turn your conflicts around: God is up to something good – I know it doesn't seem...

The Ten Commandments of Marriage

The Ten Commandments of Marriage

The Ten commandments from Deuteronomy 5:7-21 are an invitation from God to live a life free from unnecessary harm. Following them will not insulate us from all suffering, but obedience to them will protect us from regretful behavior and self-inflicted hardship. The...

How To Measure Your Love For God

How To Measure Your Love For God

How can we measure our love for God? The amount of Bible study we do? The number of times we go to church in a month? How many times we pray during the day, etc...? All of these disciplines are surely important, but do they definitively measure our love for God? What...

Three Ways To Pursue Oneness In Your Marriage

Three Ways To Pursue Oneness In Your Marriage

It was a different world back then... when Mom and I walked into the department store. There were no computers. No cell phones. No cable TV. I’m not sure what prompted our conversation. Maybe it was the bridal section filled with fine china. But whatever it was, Mom’s...

Baby, It’s Time for a Bath

Baby, It’s Time for a Bath

Husbands, I want to tell you a story because I want to communicate an experience that can be remarkably powerful for you and your wife. She needs a good bath. Now, work with me here, people. What you do in your bathroom is entirely up to you. But I’m actually talking...

Are You Blind To Your Blindness?

Are You Blind To Your Blindness?

I was fuming. Legitimately angry. Boiling, you might say. After praying for days about it, I finally brought things up with my husband at what I hoped was a good time, and in an honorable way. Yeah, he had some stuff to own up to—and to his credit, he did. But I...

This Counseling Exercise Changed My Marriage

This Counseling Exercise Changed My Marriage

When you go to counseling, lets face it. You do some some cheesy stuff on the comfy couch. Feeling this, and feeling that; hold each other by the hands reciting, “I was wrong”…all in the comfort of…the counseling office! Although I’m now on the giving end of these...

6 Bad Habits to Break For a Better Marriage

6 Bad Habits to Break For a Better Marriage

1. One thing your spouse really dislikes. You know what it is. Or do you? (I’m thinking your spouse might.) What would it do for your marriage to say, “I love you this much?" 2. Little digs at your spouse—or yourself. Imagine yourself standing by the concrete...

7 Easy Habits to Improve your Marriage this Fall

7 Easy Habits to Improve your Marriage this Fall

Praying together. It takes minutes—but the effects of your prayers may very well be eternal. Even more, the spiritual and emotional unity with your spouse and with God are irreplaceable. Try it before your spouse heads out the door, right when you climb in bed, or by...

4 Ways to Pursue Teamwork with Your Spouse

4 Ways to Pursue Teamwork with Your Spouse

Bring it. My husband and I stood at a makeshift starting line with other couples from our Bible study group, goofy grins on our faces with the challenge ahead: a three-legged race. Looking back, I have a bit of pity for my husband being paired with me in this...

Is It Old School To Be Your Husband’s Helper?

Is It Old School To Be Your Husband’s Helper?

There has been plenty of scoffing, snorting, eye-rolling, and outright anger in the last few decades at that tricky little word in Genesis, the one God uses to describe Adam’s new wife - "Helper." "It’s demeaning," some might say. The good little wife consigning women...

25 Questions Your Wife Might Be Glad You Asked

25 Questions Your Wife Might Be Glad You Asked

Maybe you’re looking for a few questions to bump things up a notch: to really make your wife feel loved. To take your relationship to the next level. Be forewarned—not every one of these questions is for every wife. But some of these questions might have what it takes...

Is There Trouble On The Horizon Of Your Marriage?

Is There Trouble On The Horizon Of Your Marriage?

A few nights ago while mindlessly channel hopping I stumbled across the 1980’s cult vampire movie, The Lost Boys. For the 30 somethings reading this, Kiefer Sutherland was a vampire long before he was the America saving hero, Jack Bauer in 24. For the 20 somethings...

Did You Marry Your Mother-in-Law?

Did You Marry Your Mother-in-Law?

“Honey, I don’t know how to tell you this, but—I’m not your dad.” Well. Duh. And yet--that was my husband, within the past week. For the record, it’s been 14 years since we said “I do.” But it seems I was still giving him reason to remind me who I married (and who I...

How Do You Show Your Spouse You Care?

How Do You Show Your Spouse You Care?

My husband loves to tinker with vintage automobiles. In fact, he’s restoring an old car right now. When Jim talks about something having a 350 or 427 cubic inch motor, it once meant absolutely nothing to me. Until a few years ago, I wasn’t even interested in whether...

4 Steps To Suffocating The Biggest Problem In Your Marriage

4 Steps To Suffocating The Biggest Problem In Your Marriage

Because of the Fall, each of us has a “default setting” when we wake up each morning. The default for you and for me is set to “SELF”. And even after we begin a relationship with God through Jesus, we still battle selfishness each and every day. In my previous post, I...

I Know What the Problem Is in Your Marriage

I Know What the Problem Is in Your Marriage

It's a gripping scene for me, even though I've seen it a dozen times: You see a young couple sitting in a marriage counselor's office on their second visit. After a few opening questions to both of them, the counselor steps around the front of his desk to speak to...

31 Ways to Pray For Your Wife

31 Ways to Pray For Your Wife

What does it look like to love your wife? Appreciate her, respect her, support her, etc… Yes to all these things. But, one of the most significant ways you can love her is to PRAY for her. Here’s a list to get you started. Pray for her work inside and outside of your...

31 Ways to Pray For Your Husband

31 Ways to Pray For Your Husband

What does it look like to love your husband? Appreciate him, respect him, support him, etc... Yes to all these things. But, one of the most significant ways you can love him is to PRAY for him. Here's a list to get you started. Pray for his work, that God would...

There is hope for your marriage

There is hope for your marriage

I get to see some of the worst marriage situations in my counseling office. As challenging and gut-wrenching as this work can be, these marriages represent why I do what I do.  Often these situations appear to be hopeless. But because of God's character and the...

5 Myths That Make Marriage Messy

5 Myths That Make Marriage Messy

We have all heard lies, half-truths and inaccuracies our entire lives. They started when we were kids, "Don’t cross your eyes or they will stick that way”, and continue today as adults, “There is no difference between men and women". Married couples bring these...

10 Habits for a Lifelong Marriage

10 Habits for a Lifelong Marriage

Years ago, when my parents were celebrating their golden anniversary, I asked them for their marriage advice. What was their secret to a lifelong marriage? Dad said a couple needs to be considerate of one another. And being a typical woman, Mom shared a few more...

I never thought I would be one of those guys

I never thought I would be one of those guys

If you would have met me in my younger years you would have never pegged me as an angry man. I seemed like a mild-mannered and somewhat non-confrontational guy. I typically went with the flow. Star (my wife) was attracted to this personality. She was a little fiery...

The Abiding Marriage

The Abiding Marriage

The bookstores are filled with marriage counsel. Conferences abound. Social media is flooded with tips on how to have a successful marriage. Many are good and helpful. But, if you want to have a marriage that lasts and is full of the life of God, there is one thing...

I didn’t mean to say that!

I didn’t mean to say that!

Thank goodness for the editing features on our computers that help our words to be just right! How much better our writing is when we make use of spelling and grammar check. If only there were such a feature with our out-loud words! I’m not always careful about the...

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

Elton John was spot on. That simple 5 letter word can be buried pretty deep and even when we try to dig it up, we find it getting stuck in our throat on the way out! Sorry really can be the hardest word. We’ve just finished with the NBA finals on network television...

Can It Really Be That Simple?

Can It Really Be That Simple?

Marriage is simple. But, simple isn't always easy. Let's start with defining what's simple and then click the link at the bottom to learn how to pull it off. I recently read a book entitled, Joker One. It is the story of a Marine Platoon that served in Iraq...

The Most Important Thing You Can Do For Your Marriage

The Most Important Thing You Can Do For Your Marriage

I know the most important thing you can do for your marriage. I have worked with a wide variety of clientele over the years. They have varied racially, socially, economically, and educationally. My counselees have come from all manner of...

Ask the counselor: How should I respond to my spouse’s anger?

Ask the counselor: How should I respond to my spouse’s anger?

We're all confronted with some degree of anger from our spouse at one time or another. At best it will subside with time, but at worst it can be the start of WWIII. How should you respond to your spouse's anger to influence the conversation in a different direction?...

Don’t be a WENI

Don’t be a WENI

Conflict is normal in marriage. The thing I work on with my clients is not necessarily how to avoid conflict, but how to communicate better with one another in the midst of conflict. Most people tend toward one of four negative communication patterns* in response to...

How To Love Your Wife

How To Love Your Wife

By David Lord: I have a 3 X 5 card on the cork board above my desk. It contains just 7 words. But in those 7 words I have found such a positive, practical, and pleasing prescription for what it looks like to love my wife and make her feel SPECIAL: Secure Protected...

Help! My Husband Won’t Lead

Help! My Husband Won’t Lead

One of the most important roles a husband has is that of a leader. John Maxwell has said, "Everything rises and falls on leadership." Slanting that quote toward the family, "The family rises and falls on a man's leadership". A marriage and family have the best...

5 Habits Of A Healthy Marriage

5 Habits Of A Healthy Marriage

I've heard it said that success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out. I couldn't agree more. The same is true in marriage. The success of your marriage depends on the small efforts repeated every day. The question is, what are your daily marriage...

Sex is the Foundation to a Perfect Valentines Day

Sex is the Foundation to a Perfect Valentines Day

Valentines Day is all about sex. The flowers, the chocolate, the special gifts, the memorable dinner is all leading up to...great sex. Right? In my opinion, a perfect Valentines Day should include sex all day long. Before you judge me or give me a virtual high five,...

Top 10 Ways To Love Your Spouse

Top 10 Ways To Love Your Spouse

The below list was originally compiled by David Ferguson and we have been using it in counseling with couples from the beginning. The list is not exhaustive, but it is a good start to understanding in more concrete detail what it looks like to love your spouse.  We...

Is there a wall in your marriage?

Is there a wall in your marriage?

I used to think conflict in marriage was a bad thing. So much so, that I used to do whatever it took to get rid of it. Whenever Star and I had conflict during the first 2 years of our relationship, I thought the best way to deal with it was to overlook her...

54 Reasons Not To Get A Divorce

54 Reasons Not To Get A Divorce

Whatever way you slice it, divorce sucks. Although I haven't personally experienced it, I unfortunately get front row seats to couples contemplating it, going through it, and recovering from it in my counseling office. I was recently introduced to a man who went...

The Secret To Good Communication

The Secret To Good Communication

95% of the couples that come to my office for counseling admit they need at least some degree of help in the area of communication. I wouldn't disagree with any of them! But, I would disagree with most couples understanding of what needs to change with their...

Is this standing in the way of your dream marriage?

Is this standing in the way of your dream marriage?

Maybe you already know what it is. You know: that one thing. It’s one thing that, like an arm in a cast, its layered hardness immobilizing you from totally embracing your spouse. Maybe you’re like me; I didn’t even realize it was there. But still, it was a silent,...

How to Respect a Husband Who Isn’t Respectable

How to Respect a Husband Who Isn’t Respectable

RESPECT - Valuing and regarding another highly. Treating someone as important or with honor. Communicating or demonstrating that someone has worth. Synonyms: appreciation, awe, admiration, consideration, deference, dignity, esteem, honor, recognition, regard,...

10 Reasons Marriage Is Hard

10 Reasons Marriage Is Hard

If I've learned 1 thing about marriage over the past 23 years, its this truth... Marriage is HARD! Anyone married longer than a couple years can attest to that truth. But have you ever wondered why? Why is something that is supposed to be so good, so hard? We think...

25 Questions to Spark Authentic Communication

25 Questions to Spark Authentic Communication

When was the last time you had meaningful conversation with your spouse? Not just cliche conversation talking about the weather or the logistics of who's going to take or pick up the kids from football and dance, but REAL conversation. You know, the type of...

Every Marriage Needs CPR

Every Marriage Needs CPR

My first job at 16 was a lifeguard at a local waterpark. I thought it would be the perfect summer job. I mean, what could be better than spending my summer days sitting on a lifeguard stand getting paid to look cool and get a killer tan? Oakley mirrored...

How to see your spouse with new eyes

How to see your spouse with new eyes

  Guest Post: Janel Breitenstein is a married mother of 4 who writes frequently for FamilyLife. Janel and her husband John currently serve with eMi in Uganda. You can visit her blog at www.agenerousgrace.com Remember the ’99 Julia Roberts flick, Runaway Bride?...

25 Easy Ideas To Add A Little Romance

25 Easy Ideas To Add A Little Romance

Romance (n): 1. a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.[1] Scent your bed sheets. Scatter a few flower petals over them in the evening…and suggest flipping off the TV for some “alternate entertainment.” If you’re not the normal dish-doer between the...

6 Secrets To Building a Marriage That Lasts

6 Secrets To Building a Marriage That Lasts

The following post was written by Glen Solberg. Glen is a marriage counselor in our Little Rock, Arkansas office. 72 years. No way! I had to re-read the number. But my eyes were not faulty. The couple my wife and I were reading about had indeed been married 72 years....

How Not To Change Your Spouse

How Not To Change Your Spouse

The following post was written by Scott Credeur. If you went to Sunday school as a kid, its very likely you learned a catchy song with some not so good hand motions that reveals a significant truth about marriage. What song do you ask? It goes like this: Zacchaeus was...

22 Phrases To Turn Your Love Around

22 Phrases To Turn Your Love Around

One of my favorite authors and speakers, Paul Tripp, is famous for saying, "Change doesn't take place in big, dramatic moments. Rather, the transforming work of grace operates in 10,000 little moments of life more than it does in a series of two or three life-altering...

How to Confess A Sexual Sin To Your Spouse

How to Confess A Sexual Sin To Your Spouse

When I confessed my sin of pornography to Star about 15 years ago it was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. It was also one of the most painful times for my wife. She was shocked. She felt like she had just been hit by a truck. She thought I was a...

Why You Need To Confess Sexual Sin To Your Spouse Now

Why You Need To Confess Sexual Sin To Your Spouse Now

I went to Cambodia a couple weeks ago with Tim and Stephanie Broersma. I love this couple. One of the reasons I love them is their authenticity and their willingness to share how God has rescued and restored them from their marriage struggles. Tim struggled with...

12 Ways To Stay Close When The Going Gets Rough

12 Ways To Stay Close When The Going Gets Rough

Guest Post: Janel Breitenstein is a married mother of 4 who writes frequently for FamilyLife. Janel and her husband John currently serve with eMi in Uganda. You can visit her blog at www.agenerousgrace.com It was one of the most pressing seasons for our marriage. We...

An Open Letter To A Spouse Who Wants Out

An Open Letter To A Spouse Who Wants Out

It usually starts with a phone call. Maybe an e-mail.And this is the part where I feel my gut clench; I find my fingers covering my lips. No matter how many times I’ve received the news, I’m stunned for a bit. Broken. The communication is typically from the husband or...

Did You Marry The Wrong Person?

Did You Marry The Wrong Person?

Guest Post: Janel Breitenstein is a married mother of 4 who writes frequently for FamilyLife. Janel and her husband John currently serve with eMi in Uganda. You can visit her blog at www.agenerousgrace.com He surprised me, you know. I was eighteen. I was leading a...

Help! I Can’t Find Time For My Marriage

Help! I Can’t Find Time For My Marriage

Everyone's busy. Too busy. One of the most common denominators amongst struggling couples that sit on my couch is a lack of quality time together. Schedules, to-do lists, house projects, homework, and sports schedules frequently take priority to the marriage...

How To Stop Small Fights From Turning Into Explosions

How To Stop Small Fights From Turning Into Explosions

My lovely wife and I were talking pleasantly the other day in the car, enjoying its quiet freedom from children. Then she said something that frustrated me. It wasn't anything big, but I made a decision to gently talk about it.  Before I knew it, this small, seemingly...

3 Ways to Keep Your Marriage “HOT”

3 Ways to Keep Your Marriage “HOT”

Have you noticed how hard it is to extinguish a healthy fire? It's difficult. Not impossible, but difficult. There have been times I've dumped gallons of water on a fire we had in our fire pit in my back yard only to see it smoke up for a few minutes and eventually...

I’m Tired of Great Weddings!

I’m Tired of Great Weddings!

George Booth and I collaborated on this post together. I’ve been to some great weddings! We once attended a wedding in Ireland where we traveled with a plane load of fellow Scots and celebrated for almost a week. I had the pleasure of attending the wedding of a...

Lost That Lovin’ Feeling?

Lost That Lovin’ Feeling?

One of my favorite parts of my job is doing pre-marital counseling.  I'm so encouraged when a young crazy in love couple sits in my office and subjects themselves to God’s instruction for their upcoming marriage.  I love it! Inevitably, at some point in my first...

Please don’t do it…

Please don’t do it…

Last Friday, Fox news reported that Ashley Madison—the self-proclaimed “original extramarital affairs site”—anticipated a 500% increase in applicants following Mother’s Day. There are so many aspects of this statistic that baffle the mind. I suppose—or rather...

Submission isn’t Silent

Submission isn’t Silent

A friend and I were out for a rare breakfast, our hands curled around ceramic mugs of decaf. “What’s the best way to pray for you and your husband?” I’d asked quietly. But it was her answer that surprised me—and the liquid I saw collecting around the rims of her eyes....

What To Do When Your Spouse Wants A Divorce

What To Do When Your Spouse Wants A Divorce

I'll never forget that day. I had been out of town for about a week and I couldn't wait to be home to see my wife and 2 year old daughter. Things had been rough in our marriage, but while I was out of town I felt like my love for her was renewed. I was going to be...

How to Forgive After an Affair

How to Forgive After an Affair

When I discovered Star was having an affair just 18 months into our marriage I was distraught. I could barely contain the rage and anger.  The thought of my wife being with another man made me want to vomit, scream, crawl in a hole, and lash out in anger....all at the...

4 Keys to Finishing Strong in Your Marriage

4 Keys to Finishing Strong in Your Marriage

I recently heard the story of a Godly leader I respected that fell into sexual immorality. When I first heard the story I couldn't believe it.  I didn't think there was any way THIS guy would have fallen. He was a rock. He loved God. He taught God's word. But...

20 Ways To Protect Your Marriage

20 Ways To Protect Your Marriage

You’ve probably got insurance on your car—which you lock pretty much everywhere, maybe with the addition of a swanky alarm. And let’s think about it. You’ve got safeguards, insurance, and forward-thinking measures for your health. Your house. Your mortgage. Your cash....

Want a better sex life?

Want a better sex life?

Do you want a better sex life? Believe it or not, the Bible has something to say starting in the very beginning. Sex in the Garden of Eden…can you imagine? Adam and Eve were in a lush garden with flowers and vegetation not yet marred by the presence of sin. They...

Should you renew your wedding vows?

Should you renew your wedding vows?

By: George Booth I recently had the privilege of attending a Marriage Vows Renewal Ceremony in Jerusalem, Israel. As we stood on a plaza overlooking this ancient city, the small party of assembled guests were struck by the beauty and simplicity of the occasion as we...

Is your marriage TOO important?

Is your marriage TOO important?

After being married for just 18 short months, Star and I separated and were in the process of filing for divorce. During this time I was highly encouraged to go to marriage counseling…alone. It didn't make sense to me, but I went anyway. And, I’m thankful I did. I...

5 Ways Gratitude Can Rev up Your Sex Life

5 Ways Gratitude Can Rev up Your Sex Life

It was nearly a decade and a half ago that I read, "Intimate Issues: Twenty-One Questions Christian Women Ask about Sex." But still, Melinda’s story in one of the chapters stuck with me: Melinda and her husband were understandably discouraged. She’d never been able to...

Are you clueless?

Are you clueless?

I'm sorry to be offensive, but if you're a guy reading this there's a good chance you might be... I know this because I was clueless, still struggle with being clueless, and see men almost everyday that are clueless about the condition of their marriage. My wife...

Is God ALL we need in marriage?

Is God ALL we need in marriage?

Can I talk out of both sides of my mouth for a second? In a previous post, I explained how Adam's aloneness in the Garden reveals that we should view our spouse as God's property, not our own, to love and sacrificially serve. And further, we should reject the idea of...

You Complete Me

You Complete Me

I've written a good amount of anniversary and birthday cards over the past 20 years of being married to Star. Don't tell her, but I have a couple phrases that I've used in those cards more than a few times over: "I'm so glad I'm married to you" "I'd marry you all...

Goals Date Night

This year has the potential to be the best year yet in your marriage. You probably have good intentions for this to happen, but unless you are already moving in this direction it probably won’t come to be. Andy Stanley says it this way: “Direction not intention...

Working through conflict Date Night

Tonight is about conflict. Since every marriage deals with it, we need to address it. But don’t worry, it won’t be that bad. What better time to talk about conflict than outside of an argument and with a clear head! Throughout your date night consider this alternative...

Companionship Date Night

When you first got married what were you expecting from your relationship? It’s likely one of the things on your list was companionship. Although many marry for this reason, the distractions of career, kids, and to-do lists often take the place of spending the time...

Communication Date Night

Communication is an essential part of any relationship, especially marriage! Maybe you’ve heard the cliché’, “You have 2 ears and 1 mouth, use proportionately.” I couldn’t agree more. Tedd Tripp puts it like this: “The finest art of communication is not learning how...

How Busyness is Killing Your Marriage

How Busyness is Killing Your Marriage

I'd be willing to put money on the fact that your life is too busy... When Star and I first got married I was making $10.49 an hour and she was running an in home daycare to supplement my income. On top of that, I was working 2nd shift from 3:30 pm - 11:30 pm and...

“We never talk anymore!”

“We never talk anymore!”

You've seen them, haven't you?  The couple that never talks to each other. I know Star and I have, and there's always been a part of me that has shivered at the possibility of us becoming one of "them". Most frequently when we're out to eat.  We notice a couple that...

1 Way to Divorce Proof Your Marriage

1 Way to Divorce Proof Your Marriage

The only reason Star and I didn't get a divorce after being married for only 2 short years is because we didn't have the money. Thankfully, God worked a miracle in our relationship and now we've been married for over 20 years. There is absolutely no logical reason...

How to Pray With Your Spouse

How to Pray With Your Spouse

The first time I ever asked Star to pray with me before we went to bed, she looked at me with a deer in the headlight look, cracked a little smirk, and quickly put her head underneath the pillow.   We had only been married less than a year, so not knowing exactly what...

You’re Being Lied To…

You’re Being Lied To…

I hate to break it to you, but you've been lied to. And, you're being lied to every day. What's worse is you probably don't know the extent its happening. But make no mistake, it is happening. Constantly. Every day. And, the lies are coming from multiple sources......

Your wife wants your…

Your wife wants your…

Your ego wanted me to say your body. And, this might be true for you. But most women want something more... I know this is how it feels sometimes to share your emotions with your wife. But there is hope... One of the ways you can resist the drift towards isolation in...

Examine your stool

Examine your stool

Last week I shared my frustration with the amount of time, energy, planning, goal setting, etc… we put into our jobs compared to what we invest into our marriage and family. Similar to any successful organization, I suggest couples schedule a “Marriage Staff Meeting”...

Too Many Meetings

Too Many Meetings

In the business world meetings are a way of life. In my previous employment, we had status meetings, staff meetings, vision meetings, kick off meetings, operations meetings, creative meetings, brainstorm meetings, etc… Some of the meetings were good. Some were bad....

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!”

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!”

By: Glen Solberg In every occupation I have been in, there has always been some element of “continuing education”. When I was working with computers, I took classes to keep up with technology. When I was a Physical Therapist, we were required to take continuing...

Conflict Tips

Star and I led FamilyLife’s “Art of Marriage” event at a local church this past weekend and had a blast. If you haven’t attended, you need to. One of the most practical pieces of information shared was the tips on conflict below. Check it out… FOCUS ON RATHER THAN One...

Start, Stop, Continue

Start, Stop, Continue

I read a great leadership blog post recently that was titled, “Start/Stop/Continue”. Although it was written for business / church organizations, I think “Family Organizations” could definitely benefit from it as well. The writer suggests that in order to maintain...

Easily Offended?

Easily Offended?

A friend of mine asked me recently, "How often do you and Star fight?" I responded, "Depends on what you call a fight!" My friend was concerned that he and his wife were fighting too much. We never really determined if they were or weren't. And honestly, I don't think...

3 Lies We Are Tempted To Believe About Conflict

3 Lies We Are Tempted To Believe About Conflict

Star and I have been married for 18 years. The first 2 years of our marriage we fought. A lot! What’s worse is we didn’t know how to fight. Star was a “Hurler”. She could talk circles around me in an argument (and still can to this day – but I’m getting better!). In...