Since every marriage deals with conflict, we need to address it. But don’t worry, it won’t be that bad. What better time to talk about conflict than outside of an argument and with a clear head?
Throughout your date night, consider this alternative view of conflict:
“Instead of seeing conflict as an unfortunate event you have to go through, God wants you to see it as an opportunity you get to grow through.”
DINNER DATE DISCUSSION
- Together, decide where you’re going for dinner. Maybe a place you’ve never tried before?
- On the way to dinner, talk about the idea of conflict being an opportunity. What is it an opportunity for? Brainstorm as many positive things as you can think of that can come out of conflict.
- Before dinner, discuss how conflict was handled in each of your homes growing up. How have these patterns repeated themselves in your marriage?
- What items below could you agree to do to resolve your next conflict as a couple?
One issue vs Many Issues
“I” statements vs “You” Statements”
The Problem vs The Person
Behavior vs Character
Understanding vs Who’s winning or losing
Facts vs Judgments of Motives
Specifics vs Generalizations
- As you’ve discussed conflict tonight, have you been reminded of anything you need to ask your spouse to forgive you for? If so, do it!
- Think back to a time when you had the most fun “making up” after an argument. Reminisce…about making up, not the argument!
- Take a walk outside or sit on a park bench somewhere and share some of the qualities that first attracted you to each other.
- Men, ask God to help you and your wife resolve your conflicts and forgive each other. It will be tempting to skip this part, but please don’t. It might be the most significant part of the night. Take your wife by both hands and say something like this to God:
“God, please help us to work through our future conflicts. Remind us of how you forgave us and help us to do the same with each other.”
Men, offer to rub your wife’s back, shoulders, or feet for 15 minutes. Leave it up to your wife to decide what’s next…
Hans co-founded Marriage Revolution with his wife, Star, in 2010. He counsels couples in The Woodlands, TX, speaks at marriage conferences around the country, and provides leadership and direction to Marriage Revolution.