Valentine’s Day is all about sex. The flowers, the chocolate, the special gifts, and the memorable dinner all lead up to…great sex. Right?
In my opinion, a perfect Valentine’s Day should include sex all day long. Before you judge me or give me a virtual high five, here’s what I mean. Sex is part of a great Valentine’s Day, for sure. But if you want more than just an exciting evening, start with SEX early in the morning…SEX defined as:
- Sacrificial love
- Emotional connection
- to the eXtreme.
(Please be sure to read to the end for 25 ways to add a little romance to your Valentine’s Day)
S – Sacrificial Love
A great Valentine’s Day starts with sacrificial love for your spouse. You’ve likely heard this 1000+ times, but are you practicing it? Do you really understand what sacrificial love is?
I love Paul Tripp’s definition as he writes in one of my favorite marriage books, “What Did You Expect“,
“Love is willing self-sacrifice for the good of another that does not require reciprocation or that the person being loved is deserving.”
Think about how you’ve expressed love for your spouse over the past couple of weeks and ask yourself these questions:
- Are you loving your spouse out of duty or obligation, or worse yet, begrudgingly?
- Is your love for your spouse costing you something?
- Do you love your spouse in a way that you want, or in a way that they want?
- Do you love your spouse so that they will love you in return?
- Do you love your spouse when they least deserve it?
Regardless of how you answered these questions as you think about the past, Valentine’s Day can be the start of a new future.
E – Emotional Connection
Everyone wants romance on Valentine’s Day. In fact, Americans will spend upwards of 20 BILLION dollars pursuing romance with their special someone this week. That’s an average of about $136 per person! I’m all about gift-giving (and gift-receiving) on Valentine’s Day, but gift-giving is not the only way to ignite that special romantic moment you’re craving.
The best romance is experienced in the context of an emotionally healthy relationship. I know, I know, it isn’t the answer you’re looking for, but it is the answer that will fuel romance for a lifetime. Here are a few things you can put into practice immediately to start cultivating an emotionally healthy relationship:
- Tell your spouse one thing you love about them for every year you’ve been married. Be creative!
- Take your spouse by both hands and look them in the eyes and sincerely let them know you’ll never leave them.
- Start a conversation about some of your best memories together or about dreams you’d like to pursue in the future.
- Confess some general ways you’ve failed to love (as defined above) and purpose to work on those areas moving forward.
- Pray with your spouse.
X – To the Extreme!
Finally, Valentine’s Day is supposed to be extreme. Don’t hold back. Go overboard. Create some lasting memories. Be creative, plan accordingly, incorporate some surprises, spend some money (within your means), and have a blast. Get excited about it. Look forward to it. Express your excitement to each other in anticipation of the day and what’s planned.
“Emotional connection is the foundation for romance, but it isn’t a replacement for romance.”
Valentine’s Day love should be extreme, but in the days that follow the big day, don’t let your love go from extreme to extinguished. Let this Valentine’s Day be the start of developing a habit of having regular SEX (Sacrificial Love, Emotional Connection, to the eXtreme) in your marriage.
And finally, although emotional connection is the foundation for romance, it isn’t a replacement.
PS…So that this post isn’t a complete bait and switch, here are 25 ways to add a little romance on Valentine’s Day.
Hans co-founded Marriage Revolution with his wife, Star, in 2010. He counsels couples in The Woodlands, TX, speaks at marriage conferences around the country, and provides leadership and direction to Marriage Revolution.