I’d be willing to put money on the fact that busyness affects your marriage.
When Star and I married, I made $10.49 an hour, and she ran an in-home daycare to supplement my income. On top of that, I was working the 2nd shift from 3:30 p.m. to 11:30 p.m., and parents were dropping kids off at the house to Star as early as 6:30 a.m. The schedule was busy, but we had to do it to put food on the table and pay the bills.
Income was decent, and we were both content with our jobs for this season of our lives. But we rarely saw each other and hardly ever spent quality time together.
Eventually, this took its toll on our marriage. I don’t believe this was the biggest contributor to our marriage problems, but it was a significant factor.
Fast forward to today, with six more kids to feed, clothe, and fund extra-curricular activities, the temptation is high to fall back into a similar routine to accommodate our family’s growing “needs.”
I talk to a lot of couples every week, and there are very few who don’t struggle with this same issue.
We live in a fast-paced, always connected, performance-driven, keep-up-with-the-Jones’s (and their kids) world. Between youth group, House Church, sports practices, piano recitals, homework, exercise, and friends, etc… our weeks are incredibly full.
I recently put all my weekly responsibilities on a sheet of paper along with the estimated time to complete everything, and I learned that I needed 32.4 hours every day!
Our lives are TOO BUSY!!!
And then there’s your marriage…where do you fit that in?
For many of the couples I talk with, what used to be a thrilling, engaged, romantic, loving, fun, intimate marriage has turned into two people living under the same roof, pursuing separate interests, and struggling to figure out who’s going to pick up the kids from basketball practice.
But there is another way. It takes planning. It takes sacrifice. But the payoff is enormous.
Shortly after God resurrected our marriage, we were encouraged to put a weekly date night on the calendar.
Star and I have found that having this regular time set aside is one of the most practical things we’ve done to strengthen our marriage.
Throughout the week, we wear so many different hats (mom, dad, boss, house cleaner, referee, chauffeur, mechanic, financial planner, etc…), and without being intentional, there often isn’t any time to wear the most important hat Star and I can wear: HUSBAND and WIFE!
If you haven’t already, set aside one night a week on your calendar that is reserved for you as a couple. Then, go out and remind each other what drew you together in the first place. Encourage each other. Laugh together. Forgive one another. Plan your future together. But most of all, have fun!!
Need some ideas to rekindle the romance? We’ve got you covered. Here are five date night ideas for you to consider:
- Simple questions to ask your spouse to get the conversation started
- Companionship Date Night
- Working Through Conflict Date Night
- Communication Date Night
- Goals Date Night
- Let’s Talk About Sex
Have fun dating your spouse!
Hans co-founded Marriage Revolution with his wife, Star, in 2010. He counsels couples in The Woodlands, TX, speaks at marriage conferences around the country, and provides leadership and direction to Marriage Revolution.