How stable is your marriage? If you leave the stability of your marriage to chance, I don’t believe your marriage will have a chance of being stable. Stable marriages intentionally improve their stability through regular time, energy, and effort. One way to stabilize your marriage is to implement a regular Marriage Meeting. This is a regularly scheduled time on your calendar when you and your spouse talk ”marriage shop.”
I would suggest meeting in a somewhat private place and at a time when you will be free from most distractions (kids, phone calls, other people, etc…). For Star and I, this is usually Sunday evenings in our home after the kids go to bed. Or, occasionally, we’ll spend a portion of our date night discussing our relationship.
After getting a time slot down, men, you are responsible for setting the agenda. At a high level, you want to make sure your agenda covers the three critical areas of your marriage:
A healthy relationship is strong in all three areas. However, most are only good at 1 or 2. But just like a 3-legged stool requires three legs to be stable, a healthy marriage requires strength in all three areas to experience intimacy the way God desires.
Ever since Star and I first met, we connected. It was as close to love at first site as you can get. The night we met, we were immediately attracted to each other physically. As a result, we decided to spend more time together and pursue each other emotionally through dating. One thing led to another, and we married 1 ½ years later. But it wasn’t until all hell broke loose two years into our marriage that God led us to pursue each other spiritually. Our marriage was unstable because we were only connected in 2 of the three areas and because we connected out of order.
Unlike Star and I did, and unlike how most of the world is doing, I want to suggest prioritizing and starting to work on the spiritual “leg” of your relationship first. And, I want to suggest you structure your staff meeting with this in mind. I love how Matthew 6:33 puts it:
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all
these things will be given to you as well.”
Whether your marriage is struggling or needs a tune-up, start your marriage staff meeting by discussing the one who created your relationship in the first place. A great marriage is built on a foundation of a husband and wife sharing a vibrant, growing, dependent relationship with Jesus Christ.
Here are six practical conversations you can incorporate in your Marriage Staff Meeting to cultivate an environment to help make this happen:
- Ask each other how you can pray for each other. Then pray.
- Ask each other how they have seen God work over the past week.
- Share a passage of scripture that was especially meaningful to you this past week.
- Read a short devotional together.
- Discuss some spiritual goals you can achieve individually, as a couple, and as a family.
- Decide on a passage of scripture to memorize as a couple or family. Maybe start with Matthew 6:33!
You could come up with your own 6, but hopefully, this list gets you started. What’s most important is that you start right away.
“Unless the Lord builds the house, its builder’s labor in vain.”
Hans co-founded Marriage Revolution with his wife, Star, in 2010. He counsels couples in The Woodlands, TX, speaks at marriage conferences around the country, and provides leadership and direction to Marriage Revolution.