By David Lord:
I have a 3 X 5 card on the cork board above my desk. It contains just 7 words. But in those 7 words I have found such a positive, practical, and pleasing prescription for what it looks like to love my wife and make her feel SPECIAL:
A woman tends to have a greater felt need for this than a man. Think comprehensive security.
- Physical Security: Are you diligent in your work ethic to keep and perform a job and provide financially for your family? Do you provide insurance: home, auto, and especially life insurance?
- Emotional Security: Are you aware of your wife’s needs – Appreciation, Attention, non-sexual Affection, Comfort, Encouragement, Instruction, Support – and do you make every effort to meet them? Do you speak words of commitment and affirmation . . . often? And do you keep your word? If you say you are going to do it, does she have just cause to question your trustworthiness?
- Spiritual Security: Do you spend consistent time with God, daily time with God, and does it show? Do you initiate prayer with your wife, your kids, your family? Are you the champion in the family for Jesus Christ?
This is a type of security that is more circumstantial, as in safe when she is in a questionable or vulnerable situation. One of the ways I demonstrate this for my wife is when we walk along the street I put her on the inside away from the traffic. I also take care of the cars in our family. My wife is never concerned about the tire pressure, changing the oil, or monitoring the other four fluids in the autos. Changing the timing belt or the antifreeze/coolant is not a concern of hers.
I’m not talking sexually. I mean as a person, as a companion, a friend. Play together. Laugh together. Like you really want to spend time with her. Tease her, in a friendly way, but not too much. Make obvious choices to spend time with her shopping or running errands or cleaning house over watching the latest sports program. If she likes games, play games with her. If she likes to listen to music or go dancing, enjoy sharing the same activity together.
To win the favor of; to woo. (Don’t you just love that word, woo?) Woo her to win her. Think about how you pursued her when you were dating. Dress up for a date that you planned . . . with a smile and without a complaint. What’s her love language? Words of affirmation? Quality time? Receiving gifts? Acts of service? Physical touch? Don’t know? Try all five and see which one or two speaks or feels like love to her.
Again, I’m not talking sexually. I mean you sharing your feelings, desires, pains, and dreams and listening to her as she shares her feelings, desires, pains, and dreams. Practice active listening, that is, give her your direct attention and avoid being distracted by things around you. Use appropriate facial expressions and verbal comments that clue her in that you are tracking with her and that you care.
She works hard, whether it’s at home or on the job. Are you grateful for all the things she does? Have you told her . . . again and again? Especially during that season with young kids, when the pace is hectic and emotions can be sensitive. Remind her that what she does is of utmost importance and that you appreciate her hard work.
To go before or show the way. Kindly, thoughtfully initiate. The responsibility is on you. Lead your self well, and lead your family well. Love your wife like Jesus loved the church (Ephesians 5:25-28). Selflessly, Sacrificially. Read those two words again. They are meaning-full words: Selflessly, Sacrificially. The bar is high, like Jesus. Your wife is special; God says so (Genesis 1:26-27; 2:18; 2:24; Psalms 139:14; 1 Peter 3:7).
God has entrusted her care unto you as her husband (Ephesians 5:25-28). Take these seven adjectives and plan how you are going to help your wife feel SPECIAL, then begin!
David has been married to his wife Jinger since June of 1987 and they have 3 children. He resides in Richardson, TX where he counsels couples with Marriage Revolution.