4 Ways to Pursue Teamwork with Your Spouse

Bring it.

My husband and I stood at a makeshift starting line with other couples from our Bible study group, goofy grins on our faces with the challenge ahead: a three-legged race.

Looking back, I have a bit of pity for my husband being paired with me in this situation. Heโ€™s one of those guys that tries some sport heโ€™s never attempted, picks up the ball, andโ€”hey! Would you look at that? A natural. I, on the other hand, occasionally attempt walking and chewing gum at the same time in order to stretch my coordinative abilities.  He also has a competitive streak that thrills his opponents. I just want everyone playing to be happy. “You want to win? Okay by me!”

But there at the starting line, our legs bound together with some kind of neon-orange surveyorโ€™s tape, he bent to whisper in my ear. โ€œHug my hip, okay? Feel itโ€”and weโ€™ll do great together. Just follow me.โ€ Fine with me. And with that, we were off. We laughed and perspired and shrieked (me, not him) as we wound around trees, his sprinterโ€™s gait half-carrying mine. The fun part? We smoked โ€˜em. Our chests heaving, we slapped high fives.

It wasnโ€™t a bad analogy for marriage, actually.

In some of the most successful, happy marriages I meet, the couples tend to have a common factor: extraordinary teamwork, fueled by a common purpose.

They willingly work together, bound and hip-hugging toward a finish line.

I was reminded of this recently when my husband conducted a training for local mission and church workers, in which he asked me to assist. This was an area of specialty for himโ€”like three-legged races, perhaps?โ€”and I wish I could fully express the deep pleasure it felt to work as a team together toward a goal we were both passionate about. The training was more full as we bounded out of the gate together, and more rich as we eased our individual gifts together for a mutual, Godward purpose.

I wish this kind of oneness, of sameness in vision and energies, could be more of the norm. Because I think it helps marriages thrive. My man and I arenโ€™t always headed in the same direction. Yet, I also think itโ€™s a grace we can, and should, pursue. But how?

How can couples bind themselves, so to speak, with a unified aim?

A few ideasโ€”but Iโ€™d love yours, too, in the comment section below.

  1. Talk about it. Books like The Purpose-driven Life, personality/gifting tests, and prayer can help us unpack that unique craftsmanship Godโ€™s inlaid in us for His good purposes. Without this sounding overly simplisticโ€”consider a Venn diagram of sorts of your experiences, passions, gifts, and vision. What do you share? Chances are, you share more interests (at least general ones: raising godly kids; experiencing fulfillment in our daily activities; having a strong marriage; being good neighbors) than not. To get more specific, ask questions like, what do you both โ€œpound the tableโ€ for, or feel strongly about? Are there any common experiences/thoughts that drew you together? What values do you both hold as critical and what ministries stem out of these?
  2. Be the wingman. Genesis uses the Hebrew word ezerโ€”helperโ€”to describe the woman in relationship to the man; incidentally, this word is used in the Old Testament to describe God Himself and others in the sense of a military ally or shield. Are you two in the foxhole together? Do you fight for your spouseโ€™s gifts and particular makeup? Are you his or her chief advocate? Part of โ€œbeing in your cornerโ€ involves not undermining each other with little digs, constant comparisons of whoโ€™s doing more, or tugging for power in your relationship. 1 Peter 3 talks about having โ€œunity of mindโ€ and a โ€œtender heartโ€. Would that describe you?
  3. Donโ€™t go it alone. Perhaps youโ€™ve heard of couples whoโ€™ve developed their separate passionsโ€”even ministriesโ€”so thoroughly, and without one another, that they end up splitting. I know of some. I donโ€™t say that as a fear tactic, but as a caution. Bring your spouse into your ministry and work. Even if he or she isnโ€™t interested in participation, donโ€™t withhold your heart and soul in this area. Stay linked even when youโ€™re working apart from each other.
  4. Try it out. Challenge yourselves to find one area of serving Christ that you can do together. Maybe itโ€™s inviting a discouraged couple for dinner, leading a small group or Sunday School class, supporting underprivileged kids financially. Maybe itโ€™s simply parenting more as a team.

Ask God: Lord, how can we act more as one in this three-legged race in which youโ€™ve bound us togetherโ€”for You?

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